Humiliated

Humiliated. What a strong word. This girl I go to school with- I won't name names but it starts with an S and rhymes with Ephanie, told me today that she was humiliated. And I don't blame her. She'd been seeing this guy for 4 months and he was totally into her but then something changed. Turns out he met another girl. Fair enough. But then he started taking the other girl into the same places they would always hang out. The thing is, he was still seriously dating my friend and neglected to tell her about the other girl. Again, I know men, fair enough. But in some sub-conscious shallow way there's the game where the man knows she will find out so: a. it's easier than telling her yourself, and b. there's some satisfaction in feeling like a big pimp. But everyone knew... the bartenders of the bar they went to, his friends, even the fucking deli guy on the corner of her dorm. She picked up the weird vibes right quick. So she confronted him and they ended it. No new story here. But the thing is, we're sitting in class the other day, and I look over at this brave, strong girl I had always secretly admired, and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong (even though I knew because I am the satellite tower of gossip central) and she says to me, it wasn't the fact that she wasn't THE ONE and it wasn't because she missed him. Well, maybe a little of both. But it was the humiliation- public humiliation. That's exactly what she said. And I hadn't heard a dirtier word since the way she said it. Worse than Cunt. Almost as bad as Twat, but Twat is a funny word and always makes me laugh inside.

The thing is, I'm quite familiar with that, and even worse, I've been guilty, many times, of being the other girl. And I felt bad. For the first time, I felt bad about all those times I was. I did it to Sophie. I even did it to Bonnie, but that's high school so that doesn't count. And all the times it was done to me and I should have felt humiliated, I laughed it off as a stupid girly emotion. But it hurts. Humiliated. What a strong word.