UpDating

So I'm back together with Andrew which means I am attracted to every other boy I meet. It's like when you're at a restaurant and you get a good lamb chop but wish you had ordered the salmon. But you're glad you didn't because maybe the salmon is fishy, but now you'll never know. Andrew is great. We've been spending a lot of time together, and I'm glad to be with him. But hot-damn it's like all the single, straight hot boys in New York come out of hiding the second you're in a relationship.

Okay, first there's indie rock boy. You don't have to delve far into Williamsburg to find one. His name is Travis (of course) and his hair is exceptionally ironic. We had a great conversation at this bar the other night and there were totally sparks. He gave me an odd look in the cab on the way home when I didn't try anything. Did I mention we took a cab home together even though his neighborhood was out of the way? Maybe sharing a cab gave him the wrong idea. Or the right one. Hmmmm... I didn't get his number but that's what craigslist missed connections is for. If Andrew doesn't work out, I mean.

And then there's Vaughn. This one is tricky because Vaughn is an acquaintance of the 18 year old. No, Vaughn is not 18. But it's weird because the 18 year old introduced us ages ago, and I keep running into Vaughn randomly. I saw him last week and again, there was this weird flirtation. This time we did exchange information. But it's innocent- his friend has some poetry reading he thinks I should check out so he just wanted to send me the information about that.

Andrew is so cute, when my dog Martini ate my vibrator, he bought me a new one. How cool. But weird, I guess. Andrew is full on honoring this no-sex contract. It's up next month, so I think this is his way of being like, "Here, have a vibrator until you can have sex with me". That's sweet, right? Okay, it's kind of weird. But he did cheat on me so I should be receiving gifts.

Jean has been away for a week so I have the place to myself and have been writing a lot. But Sophie won't leave me alone about this apartment thing. She holds the fact that Andy Samberg asked her to move in with him over my head as leverage. It's so stupid. She's like, "We should find a place. OR (coquettish eye roll) I COULD move in with Andy..." Aw, shut up, I'm working on getting a place. Move in with him or don't, just make a goddamn decision already. She's so not moving in with him, it's obvious. She better not.

Bonnie and I have been working on ways to make Richard's lawyer pay for outing her at that party. I mean, honestly, who announces to a party of celebrities and social debutantes that "This woman does not know who the father of her child is! Ha Ha!" There was no laughing, but that's how I imagined it went down, like if Richard's lawyer had an evil handlebar mustache and a monocle that he fingered ever so slightly with a twist of his thumb and forefinger. Bonnie is the damsel, tied to the train tracks at this big social gathering. Richard's lawyer cackles and with a swoop of his cape, he disappears... leaving Bonnie to the vultures (gossip columnists) at said party. Oh yeah, so anyway, we're plotting revenge . I don't know what yet, but I joked about sending him a prostitute that was a she-male. Bonnie thought that was just gross and stupid. Whatever, I might do it anyway.

So that's that. I'm seeing Andrew tonight for a date. He wants to take me out to some fancy restaurant or something. I don't know what the occasion is but I'll bet you anything with my luck, the waiter will look like Jake Gyllenhall. And then I'll have to order the salmon.