Threads are Twine
I haven't blogged in a while because... everyone sit down... I've actually been busy. Working! Like, at a real job. This arts review website gig is awesome! They're sending me out on my first real assignment today- some art show somewhere. I know it's a big deal because the head guy had it but he got sick and it was like Peter Parker at the Daily Bugle, when he gets his first Spider Man photo job and the guy with the mustache is like, "This is your big chance, kid". Except the person who gave me the assignment was a woman and she didn't have a mustache. I'm really excited.
I like my new co-workers, too. So much better than at the bar because these people are really doing what they love and they're not alcoholics. I doubt there will ever be an occasion to make out with any of these guys in the office bathroom and if that were the case I could actually sue for sexual harassment. This one guy who's also new, Andrew, is hilarious. We spent all day yesterday just joking around, sloppily speed-writing paragraphs and then letting the computer do an automatic spell check. My favorite one was "Threads are twine when I see the light poof day angled I love it". Awesome. Andrew is cool because I haven't had a guy friend in a while that I haven't had sex with. We went out for lunch a few days ago and just talked about nothing in particular. I even told him about the "No Sex for 3 Months" contract the girls made me sign and he thought it was hilarious. There's something about the contract I like because now the pressure of the flirt game is off and I can just be myself. I just reread that and I can't believe those words just escaped my fingers.
Oh, Jean came to the bar on Friday, ended up drunk and sans bra, and then acted all shocked about it the next day. I'm like, Jean, that's what happens when you come to my bar. Quite frankly, it sounds pretty tame to me. She's just embarrassed because she released a little bit of her inner slut. Everyone's got one. Jean's now reading this and going, "And the inner slut has teeny-tiny stilettos, and a little red dress..." I know how you think Jean. Embrace your inner slut. Just not too tight cuz she'll get the wrong idea.
I haven't seen Bonnie in days. I called her and she was "re-tiling". I was like, "Are YOU re-tiling or are you overseeing some Mexican guy while he does it?" She hung up on me.
Oh, I guess Sophie is having lunch with that guy from SNL. She better just talk about how great I am; she's already into this other guy, Zach. I hate it when your friends are in love. Everything is so happy all the time.
I have to officially cut things off with the 18 year old. Being a total bitch to him doesn't seem to be working. I'm a little discombobulated around him though because he seems like a different person to me all of a sudden. And not in a good way. Now when I see him it feels like every time he opens his mouth a lie falls out. It's worse than having lettuce in your teeth and there are no threads of twine big enough to floss that motherfucker out. So I guess I'll just keep avoiding him. I'm really good at that.
Well, off to this show, Bloggie. I'll keep you posted.
I like my new co-workers, too. So much better than at the bar because these people are really doing what they love and they're not alcoholics. I doubt there will ever be an occasion to make out with any of these guys in the office bathroom and if that were the case I could actually sue for sexual harassment. This one guy who's also new, Andrew, is hilarious. We spent all day yesterday just joking around, sloppily speed-writing paragraphs and then letting the computer do an automatic spell check. My favorite one was "Threads are twine when I see the light poof day angled I love it". Awesome. Andrew is cool because I haven't had a guy friend in a while that I haven't had sex with. We went out for lunch a few days ago and just talked about nothing in particular. I even told him about the "No Sex for 3 Months" contract the girls made me sign and he thought it was hilarious. There's something about the contract I like because now the pressure of the flirt game is off and I can just be myself. I just reread that and I can't believe those words just escaped my fingers.
Oh, Jean came to the bar on Friday, ended up drunk and sans bra, and then acted all shocked about it the next day. I'm like, Jean, that's what happens when you come to my bar. Quite frankly, it sounds pretty tame to me. She's just embarrassed because she released a little bit of her inner slut. Everyone's got one. Jean's now reading this and going, "And the inner slut has teeny-tiny stilettos, and a little red dress..." I know how you think Jean. Embrace your inner slut. Just not too tight cuz she'll get the wrong idea.
I haven't seen Bonnie in days. I called her and she was "re-tiling". I was like, "Are YOU re-tiling or are you overseeing some Mexican guy while he does it?" She hung up on me.
Oh, I guess Sophie is having lunch with that guy from SNL. She better just talk about how great I am; she's already into this other guy, Zach. I hate it when your friends are in love. Everything is so happy all the time.
I have to officially cut things off with the 18 year old. Being a total bitch to him doesn't seem to be working. I'm a little discombobulated around him though because he seems like a different person to me all of a sudden. And not in a good way. Now when I see him it feels like every time he opens his mouth a lie falls out. It's worse than having lettuce in your teeth and there are no threads of twine big enough to floss that motherfucker out. So I guess I'll just keep avoiding him. I'm really good at that.
Well, off to this show, Bloggie. I'll keep you posted.
posted by Tempy at 12:05 PM
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